More than a Mug - Dad's Day #5

My Husband's Mug - Summer, Kyah, and Jolie

Hopefully by now you have thought a little about what you plan on doing for your husband for father's day. Dads love for the kids to make or buy them something, but they usually are not expecting more than a thoughtful mug or a crafty card made with love from the little ones.  However, they may want a little more from you. I know your husband is not your dad, but he is the father of your children, and he likes to know that he is loved and that all he does for the family is greatly appreciated. Since our children are so demanding, Dad often gets neglected. This is your chance to make it up to him. You know your husband better than anyone else. If you think real hard, I am sure you can come up with something that doesn't cost anything at all that you can do to make him feel loved and appreciated sometime this week. Do you know what I am talking about?:)

I thank God for you because... - Mother's Day Memories #3

Daily life as a mom requires that we talk to our kids about things they don't like to hear often - correction, chores, homework, bedtime, etc..  Let's try to balance all these negative words with some positive ones. Tell your kid why you think they are so great!  Here are some simple ideas.

1. Write a short note and put it:
                in their lunch box
                on their pillow
                on the bathroom mirror or sink.
2. Make a new special place where you can leave notes for them regularly:
                 a pillow with a pocket in it
                 a see through plastic paper protector taped up on the shower
                 a white board next to the toilet.
3. Make plans to make a long list:
                 10 reasons I love my 10 year old.
                 Message in a Bottle - My husband filled an old bottle with tiny messages for me.
                 Medicine Bottle - fill it with little notes to help them feel better when they are down.
                 On a deck of cards - 52 reasons I thank God for you for the 52 weeks in a year
                 (These last two ideas were from my Bible study leader, Elaine, who inspires me often)

I would love to hear about your ideas for encouraging your children.

When I write these encouraging words to my kids it is amazing to see how my heart is softened toward them as I remind myself of how great my kids really are.  When I have a grateful heart toward them, it is much easier to tolerate the few things about them that aren't so great.  Have a great weekend being an encouraging and grateful mom!
P.S. I am sure your husband would love for you to encourage him as well.

Eros Your Man - Fun Fridays

       Eros is the wonderful romantic feelings of overwhelmingly unselfish adoration when you are "in love" with another. Can you remember back that far when you and your hubby felt this way about each other?  We all remember how great that was, but now realize that the feelings of overwhelming unselfish adoration do not last forever without constant work and the strength of our Lord and Savior.  C.S. Lewis believes that God uses Eros to teach us what love for our neighbor will look like if it is done correctly and in His strength. With Christ's help, we can easily toss personal happiness aside and think of others first - "loving our neighbor as ourselves."

        Does your relationship with your husband give your children a correct picture of how they should love others?  I love my husband now more than I ever have, but the way I treat him does not always display this. He is my rock, my support, my best friend.  He is the only one who can correct me and make me laugh at the same time.  (Yet he is also the one I am the sassiest and the grumpiest with unfortunately.) We are obviously not always all "lovey dovey", but thankfully we do still have "that spark" because we rely on Christ's strength and continually work on our relationship.
       Praise God for blessing you with the husband that you have.  I am so very blessed to have a relationship with My Man Micah that combines all of the four loves into one!  You have all heard, "There is nothing you can do that is better for your children than to love your husband."  Love your husband with Eros this weekend!  (Please don't report back to me this time about your great ideas about how you are going to accomplish this:))

Common & Close Friends - Welcoming Wednesdays

My Bosom Friend Sarah (& family)

           Do you remember the moment that you found a new friend because you had something in common.  It usually sounds something like, "What? You too? I also like _______. I thought I was the only one!" I remember that first conversation that I had with my soon-to-be best college friend when we realized that we were both named Sarah Elizabeth. (We didn't know at the time that the name Sarah Elizabeth is one of the most common girl name combos of all times. Now I even have a sister-in-law with my same exact name - Sarah Elizabeth Holmes!)  What we soon found out was that we had many more things in common as well - tastes in clothes, goals, core beliefs, love of dancing, etc. etc.. We are still true "bosom friends."
          One of the best things that we had in common was our group of friends. See friendship love is unlike romantic love. It is not supposed to be jealous. It should welcome other friends to share in the friendship because they only deepen and add more - not take away.  C.S. Lewis explains this better than I can.  He says, "In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights other than my own to show all his facets."  As silly girls, we are often tempted to be jealous about just about everything. Don't leave out others thinking you are helping your really close friendships grow stronger.  When we welcome others into our circle of friends, we are deepening our current relationships, showing God's love to others, as well as being an example and an encouragement for our children to do the same. 
          Including others is an extremely important lesson for our children (especially girls) to learn.  Do you have any ideas about how we can become better at this ourselves or teach our children in this area? I would love to hear what any of my friends say. You see we are friends since we have this common interest in seeing our families grow in Christian character.

My "Magic" Purse - Teaching Tuesdays

       C.S. Lewis explains storge love (one of the four loves we reviewed yesterday) as "affection, especially of parents to offspring, but also of offspring to parents." This type of love is the humblest of loves, because it is so comfortable, familiar and often assumed that a mother will naturally show love to her children by meeting their basic needs, and the child in turn will love their mothers by seeking her to have their needs met. The problem is that if we do our jobs right our children will eventually stop needing us as much. Since it is natural for moms to need to be needed, it is often hard to find the right balance between meeting our kids needs and letting them learn resourcefulness on their own.
        I like to carry a gigantic "magic" purse stuffed full of snacks, games, markers, and anything that I would ever need to meet the immediate needs (and usually wants) of my children should we encounter any kind of problem. However, by swooping in and rescuing my kids, I am neglecting to let them learn to "make do", practice positive problem solving, and figure out solutions with limited resources. I have to remind myself that my job as a mom is not to always be there to rescue them, but to teach them skills- like resourcefulness - that they need to survive and succeed on their own in the real world. I am not going to stop carrying my great purse. I just need to work on giving my kids opportunities to creatively solve their own problems before I whip out my swiss army knife and duct tape to fix their gameboy just so I can have the reward of their bright eyed, "Thanks Mom!"
       For practical ideas (family traditions, crafts, activities, and stories) about how to teach resourcefulness to your child, see April's edition of  my "Character Corner" Column for Metro Family Magazine. You can read it on my website (TheCharacterMom.com) before it is even published!

       Do our children not love us anymore when they stop needing us?  Of course not, but as moms this is sometimes how we feel. I would love to hear about how you keep your need to be needed in check.

The Four Loves - Mom Mondays

       C.S. Lewis'  The Four Loves is a book that is just perfect for reading and teaching to our children at this time of year.  This week, I am going to dedicate a day to focus on each of the four loves. Here is a brief overview:

Storge - Affection - natural love that you have for family
                                and familiar people or things.

Phileo - Friendship - companions that have something in common

Eros - Romantic - feelings that you have when you are "in love"

Agape - Charity - the unconditional love that God has for us,
                             and that we can show toward others
                             as a result for and from our love for God
       Love is the basis for all the other character qualities and for our theology. I would love to hear any of your ideas about how to grow and teach love in your family.  Which one of these four loves are you the best or the worst at?  Ask God to help you know how to grow and to teach in these four areas this week.

"...You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.... You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no greater commandment greater than these." - Mark 12: 30,31